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An old bandmate took his own life


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#1 Moving Target

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 02:55 PM

He was a wonderful guitar player. Creative, powerful, subtle, seemed to have licks for every moment.

He and his wife got married in their teens. They were together forty years.

The fifties are a dangerous age for a man. Kids are launched, career may be winding down, testosterone falling off with resulting loss of happiness and vulnerability to depression. What is left to do, and why bother to do it?

At such times in the past I stuck The Pass on and wept, but here's a stanza from Tolkien which seems appropriate.

Though here at journey's end I lie
In darkness buried deep
Beyond all towers strong and high,
beyond all mountains steep,
above the shadows rides the Sun!
and stars forever dwell
I will not say the day is done
or bid the stars farewell.
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#2 chemistry1973

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 03:26 PM

So sorry MT.


I'm going through something similar with the loss of a close friend.

Where is the Tolkien passage from? Is it his epitaph?
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#3 baldiepete

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 04:19 PM

So sorry MT.
I'm going through something similar with the loss of a close friend.
Where is the Tolkien passage from? Is it his epitaph?


It's from the first chapter of Return of the King. Sam sings it in despair in the tower at Cirith Ungol when he can't find Frodo. Frodo hears it and responds so Sam knows where he is.
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#4 SJS

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 05:46 PM

Very sorry to hear about this, MT.

 

It's really brutal to think about the statistics - how many humans take their own lives.  I have lost two friends myself: one when he and I were early 20s, one when he and I were mid-30s.  Our admin where I work is heavily involved with the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention because she lost her father to suicide when he was in his late 60s (I believe).

 

Although not broken down by sex, this graph (which I believe is US only) supports your contention that the 50s is a vulnerable time:

 

rxuBQLI.jpg

 

(The vertical axis is deaths per 100,000.)

 

I'm not sure why there's an uptick, though, in the last decade - perhaps it has to do with more accurate reporting.  I wonder, for example, how "suicide by car crash" has been treated historically - many men (especially) die in single-vehicle car accidents as a function of high rate of speed and alcohol, but such deaths can sometimes be intentional or quasi-intentional.  Of course, this graph only shows deaths - it is well known that men choose more lethal modes than women and it stands to reason that the 45-64 age group would have the best access to lethal methods and the strength, stamina, and motivation to carry them out. 

 

Sorry for such a clinical response to your sad post, but this is such an unfathomable event that my first impulse is to look at the numbers.


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#5 Three Eyes

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 06:20 PM

Sorry to hear about your loss, MT.


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Hey there goes Alex. He's loaded with money. Wow he's really set himself up great.


#6 RushDoggie

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 08:56 PM

  :(


one dog shy of a crazy dog lady...

 

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#7 Moving Target

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 06:11 AM

Very sorry to hear about this, MT.
 
It's really brutal to think about the statistics - how many humans take their own lives.  I have lost two friends myself: one when he and I were early 20s, one when he and I were mid-30s.  Our admin where I work is heavily involved with the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention because she lost her father to suicide when he was in his late 60s (I believe).
 
Although not broken down by sex, this graph (which I believe is US only) supports your contention that the 50s is a vulnerable time:
 
rxuBQLI.jpg
 
(The vertical axis is deaths per 100,000.)
 
I'm not sure why there's an uptick, though, in the last decade - perhaps it has to do with more accurate reporting.  I wonder, for example, how "suicide by car crash" has been treated historically - many men (especially) die in single-vehicle car accidents as a function of high rate of speed and alcohol, but such deaths can sometimes be intentional or quasi-intentional.  Of course, this graph only shows deaths - it is well known that men choose more lethal modes than women and it stands to reason that the 45-64 age group would have the best access to lethal methods and the strength, stamina, and motivation to carry them out. 
 
Sorry for such a clinical response to your sad post, but this is such an unfathomable event that my first impulse is to look at the numbers.


That's fine, it's interesting SJS.

I would blame 2008 for a component of the uptick. Though I think the US recovered quicker than the EU.
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#8 Moving Target

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 06:14 AM

It's from the first chapter of Return of the King. Sam sings it in despair in the tower at Cirith Ungol when he can't find Frodo. Frodo hears it and responds so Sam knows where he is.


I remember Bill Nye singing it in the 1978 BBC radio version.

#9 Pariah Dawg

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 01:39 PM

Sorry about your mate, mate.

On the musical side of things, here's a Phish tune called Brian and Robert. Not about suicide as much as loneliness and isolation, but still...those lyrics.

And, yes, it's named after Eno and Fripp.

This version is extra nice because The Bridge School.


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#10 fenderjazz

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 02:11 PM

Sorry to hear MT.  Agree with many it's a much higher rate at our age and older.


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#11 Bones

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 05:40 PM

Its to bad your friend didnt know "he mattered "     Sorry for your sadness MT.


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#12 chemistry1973

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 05:58 PM

The suicide of a grandparent still resonates with me, even though it happened in the 80s.

Suicide has long lasting effects on loved ones. They never get over it.
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#13 Oak

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Posted 08 August 2017 - 01:42 PM

Sorry for your loss MT.
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#14 Boots

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 02:33 AM

Sorry for your loss. 


Eternally Missed





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