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The speculation that this was intentional on his part is just that. The news reports here are inconclusive. I'll reiterate what I said earlier; Fly had a really rough year. The specifics of his troubles are not the business of anyone who did not really know and love him. And for that matter, those specifics don't mean dick now. He's gone. Those who loved him are shocked and saddened. So instead of speculating and passing any kind of judgment, please just celebrate the goodness we were blessed with in counting him as a friend.

Guess this as good a time as any to open the creaking, rusted door of the place where it all started for me, clearing away the cobwebs as I enter. I'm old now, eyes red from tears, beard gray from years. I see some vaguely familiar faces sitting around the table, the room illuminated by one single candle.

I wrote this on Facebook yesterday, and wanted to share it with the few people remaining in the old family home; where it matters the most.

*****

I was there. Their very last show at The Forum in Inglewood CA, August 1, 2015. 8th row center. The first time I'd ever seen them not on a lawn a quarter of a mile from the stage. They were there, right in front of me. I was there.

That was it. Their final show. Neil was done. Retired. Something he'd been waiting for, for a long time. No little surprise one-off reunion jam at some tiny club in Toronto. No new album or quicke EP. Fucking Christ forbid, no bankroll replenishment reunion tour. It was their last show, and I was there.

It was perfect. The most brilliant and gorgeous bookend to the first time I saw them, my heart spilling over with joy, both times, the entire time, from house lights off, to house lights on. I was fucking there.

Being blessed enough to have earned a ticket that was worth close to $1,000, I was surrounded by absolute fucking titans of the rock music world. To my left was Chad Smith from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, air drumming to 2112. To my right was Taylor Hawkins from the Foo Fighters, headbanging to Working Man. Two rows behind me was Danny Carey from Tool. Danny mother fucking Carey from  TOOL. He was standing there the with an ear to ear grin the entire show. He was there. I was there.

Having spent a few years in recording studios and around the music scene, I'd met a good amount of famous people, and after a while, you stop getting starstruck. After all's said and done, they're just regular people doing their thing. But Danny Carey from Tool was practically standing over my shoulders, with his ear to ear grin. Danny fucking Carey from Tool. A god in the rock drumming world. I was there.

It was the first time in an extremely long time that I'd felt starstruck. During intermission, I wanted nothing more than to go talk to him, to tell him how huge of an impact his music made on my life, and hopefully maybe get a selfie. He was standing around chit-chatting with his friends, not looking too particularly engaged in anything. Just as I was about to give into the temptation, I remembered that ear to ear grin, and it hit me: in that moment, he wasn't Danny fucking Carey from Tool, titan among titans. He was Danny Carey, Rush fan; I was Jesse, Rush fan. We were the same people there for the same reason: to marvel at our heroes one last time, and I was fucking there.

I didn't approach him. I didn't interrupt him shooting the shit with his pals. The house lights came back down for the second set, and  came back his ear to ear grin. He was Danny Carey, Rush fan; I was Jesse, Rush fan. He was there, fanboying the fuck out just like me. I wouldn't take that away from him. Maybe someone else would, and most likely did, but not me. He was Danny Carey, Rush fan and I was Jesse, Rush fan. And I was there.

Neil Peart was an EXTREMELY shy man. From the beginning, at the end of a show, he was out the door and on his motorcycle to the next venue before the house lights came on. Not that night. As Geddy Lee was giving his usual goodnight speech, Neil ran up to the front of the stage and put his arm over Geddy's shoulder. Even Geddy was taken aback by the gesture, exclaiming into his mic "oh, well this is a surprise!" Neil motioned Alex Lifeson over into his other arm, and they took a bow. All three of them. It was unheard of. These thousands of people were witnessing something special. And I was there, 8th row center. The smile on Neil's face as they took their bow. Danny Carey's ear to ear grin as he clapped. That was Neil saying goodbye to us. I was there.

When I got the phone call from one of my best friends this afternoon, my heart dropped to the floor like an anchor with those two words from her shaking voice: "Neil died." I was there. It sort of registered, but it sort of didn't. I wasn't there, but I was there.

As I sit here, tapping these little buttons on my phone, thinking back on that show, and the last 24 years that their music has been with me through it all, almost crying into my pint glass in front of a pub full of people, I was there.

I'm still there.

I'm still here.

I'm sure I'm more on the fanboi side of the aisle but I don't really care. For me, it's not about the live note for note translation of the song from vinyl or CD but the whole experience and memories that come flooding back. I'll see them three more times (twice in Toronto and Vegas) and enjoy every show just as I have since I saw them in the late 70's as a young kid. I don't expect them to be the spry 20 year olds doing what they once did.

 

I think we all admit their former prowess has faded over time but it doesn't take any of the enjoyment of the whole show away when the house lights go out and Geddy, Alex, and Neil come out and start that opening song. There is nothing shameful in performing past one's prime; if that were the case music careers would be extremely short-lived. I think the point should be to enjoy it for what it is rather than nitpick it for what we wish it were.

Some of you may have already read this since I posted it on Facebook.  But some may not have, but I thought I would share some of my thoughts.

 

Since hearing of Neil Peart's passing I have been in a bit of a somber mood.  Sometimes I even do a little weeping.  I don't really understand why.  I have never met this person, but what is the reasoning behind this mood?

As I think about it, a lot of thoughts flood my mind.  Thoughts of the first time I heard them on the radio.  Then there's the moment I knew I was a fan and bought my first record.  The anticipation of new Rush music coming out, finding out when the tour was and am if I was able to make it to a show.  

Of course the people I met.  Everyone having an opinion of what song was their favorite, the best album, the best lyrics...even the best solos.  A diversity can be found among all of us, but there is always that one connection...

...then it hit me...

...it was the connection.

With Neil's passing the paper is now blank, the drums are quiet, and the stage is dark.  It wasn't the loss of someone I have never met that I grieve for, but the some of the loss of the connection that came being a fan of Rush.  

 

Hello.

It's Christmas Day yet again; a time for most of us to reflect on the successes and sadnesses of the passing year, and take respite from the trials and tribulations that may appear in our lives, in the comfort of our families.

As Rush fans, we are also members of a family of a sort - a global brother-and-sister-hood with a common cherished interest. And my goodness, we're a diverse lot, aren't we? Drawn from a plethora of ages and backgrounds, a few of you urbane and charming like me, others not so much.

I type now from my home and from my heart to you all.

We have not had so much to celebrate this last twelve months - no tour or new album - and yet perhaps that's cause for celebration after all, for we can still say that the most recent album was rather creditable. Who knows how long we shall be afforded that privilege?

Yet while our band's activities may be at a low ebb, the ties that bind us are still strong - as evidenced by the discussion and camaraderie for which fora like this are such an excellent medium. In the end, we are all human beings - and we must remember that what we have in common is stronger than what may divide us.

Electronic communications make it possible for me to type to you in your homes and to send you my good wishes with ease. The medium by which I convey my sentiment to you is modern, but the spirit of goodwill is timeless.

As each Christmas comes and goes, I confess I become a little more keenly aware of my mortality. The music of Rush is of course more about the past than the present, as indeed has been the case since the early '80s - and one day soon, it will all be over.

But when it is, we'll have the music and the memories - and equally importantly, the spirit of friendship and love among Rush fans will also remain.

A very Merry Christmas to you all.

So, 90 minutes ago my 14 yr. old son and I took in the last live Rush show we will probably ever see.  For him, it was show number 3, for me it was upwards of 20 or so shows since 1984.  The show is quite a triumphant achievement, Rush was their typical prodigy selves.  There were many moments of humor, lots of neat retrospective images, the greatest rendition of

you'll ever hear/see, and just a sonically great evening.  By the time they finish out with , they are clearly spent having put every iota of effort into each song, as they have every performance since I first saw them 31 years ago.  It was a fun show ...... and yet....

 

The finality of the scene, their exit from the stage, left a far greater sense of emptiness than in the past.  It is a difficult experience for me, seeing them move on.  In fact, honestly, I had been dreading this show.  I am 48 years old -with a wife and 3 kids-( yes, I have a life) and this last couple of years has seen dramatic changes in our lives.  People die, institutions fade away, close friends divorce, those things that "were alway there", immutable, are suddenly no longer there.  And now so Rush goes this same path, as they must, obviously.  Time catches up to all of us.

 

As a child who was essentially abandoned by his parents, I was raised by my depression era grandparents.  I loved them as anyone would a mom or dad, and they loved me and gave me everything they could, including a college education that has allowed me to see the world, touring most of the major European cites on foot the last decade or so.  However, they and I were very different people, my grandparents from the age of auto-authoritarian respect, me, a doubter, a questioner, a reductionist.  Growing up in rural MO such types of people are quite the misanthrope, and I was chastised at times for voicing out loud my thoughts 'Thinking Big' about things like, oh, I don't know... Life, the Universe, and Everything*.

 

So, when I first heard Rush's music, the lyrics from one of the truly coolest guys I have ever been made familiar with, and hearing that it was okay to think thoughts like I did - to question authority, to have doubts about religion, to try to glimpse what lies beyond.  It was a revelation for me.  These three guys were my voice in the wilderness.  I spent countless hours, and many hundreds of miles, cycling on my 18 speed Motobecan through the Ozark Mountain foothills with these three guys matriculating through my mind via a Walkman cassette player.  The sound, the motion, the words, all made sense.  And I began to make sense of myself.  I really believe I am a changed man as a result of those formative years experiences.  It encouraged me to go to school, study in the technical field that I am engaged in, and read, read, read.  For I find/ found the lyrics of Mr. Peart to be both alluring and heuristic, encouraging me go beyond their simple meaning and investigate where these ideas originated from.

 

As a result, I was encouraged to read much of the classical literature available, endless book about science and cosmology, and the library of Joseph Campbell.  I don't believe I would have done any of these things without the extra push that my experiences with their music provided me.

 

So, friends, look forward to a wonderful and engaging show!!  And, as I am sure there are many stories out there very similar to mine, don't feel bad about that empty feeling on your way out the door.  I liken this last live experience to beloved neighbors moving away.  You may catch a glimpse of them from time to time, a letter, a photo, but that everyday experience of them in your life is now over.  That is bound to leave some degree of emptiness, In The End.

 

*copyright Douglas Adams

This still bothers me.  But I suppose that's a good thing.

 

I cling to this community (CP, TRF, and the real world of Rush fans) more than many of you may know.  I'm the type of person who doesn't call often, but relishes in the time I get to spend with you guys, especially in person. 

 

I remember vividly hanging out in Eddy & Lisa's place, with Rich Carter, and Mike, and doing what probably looks like a whole lot of nothing form the outside.  But it was our nothing, and it was good.  We painted a picture of sorts, in my mind, the way good times often do.  I know the same pictue can never be exaclty re-created, but we could have come close enough... but now there's a Mike-sized piece of it that will never again get its chance to put brush to canvas.  And that makes me sad.

He probably hated me but I laughed at a lot of his posts.

 

Hemi, I can personally attest to the fact that Fly didn't hate you. 

 

A couple of years ago, I remember him saying he thought that you might be the most cleverly disguised alter in the history of CP. 

 

When it came down to brass tacks, Fly didn't really let anyone or anything get under his skin too much. He was one of the most easy-going people I've ever known, and it's one of the reasons why those who knew him miss him so much. 

Hello -

 

I'm Dave Kulju's (a.k.a. tomservo) wife and I just wanted to thank everyone for their kinds words, thoughts and wishes on Dave's passing. He had a sudden, and obviously, severe heart attack last December.  I am touched and overwhelmed by the response. I shared the link to this thread with his parents and this is what his mother sent me on Facebook:

 

"Just to echo Mary's comments, I hope some of you see her post. Please know that your kind words and memories are a source of comfort to us as we continue to mourn his loss."

 

Thanks again, everyone!

 

Endlessly rocking...

 

~mary

Hot off the press, an extensive interview with Alex and Geddy for UK magazine Classic Rock.

 

Bands in the 70's did lot's of drugs. Who'd have believed it?

 

Kiss (well Simmons and Stanley) are pricks. Who'd have believed it?

 

Alex is proud of Caress of Steel. Who'd have believed it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've been in communication with his two sisters and they are overwhelmed by the outpouring of love that he's had by his Rush family and friends. It's truly meant so much to them. And it's helping (at least a little) as they also try to cope with this untimely and unfortunate passing. :'(

 

So glad peeps who knew him IRL are reaching out to the family.  This kind of thing really helps.  I'm not much for throwing around cliches, but the adage that a joy shared is doubled and a misery shared is halved is often, in my experience, true.  It also makes the point that what helps is the mere act of sharing the misery - often we feel helpless either not knowing what to do or assuming that nothing we can do can "really" help.  And yet just expressing shared sorrow can be of considerable comfort.

 

A while back on another message board I used to follow, a member had been silent for a year or so and it came to light that person took his own life.  A family member asked that that person's posts not be removed, because it had given them comfort just knowing that their loved one had taken part in an online community, sharing his work with others.  Of course this led to a number of posts following which ended up being still more solace for the family member.

On a more personal note, my best friend growing up, whose first name was Adam, took his own life at the age of 35 (he and I were still very good friends).  Upon learning of this, the husband of a co-worker (someone I interacted with maybe 3-4 times up to that point) presented me with the self-titled Jackson Browne CD which had a track on it called Song For Adam.  The song is about a friend of Browne's who took his own life.  On giving me the CD, he made the comment that he has found that listening to music doesn't change our emotions so much as allows us to experience them more deeply.  He was essentially saying the adage to me - I know this won't fix anything, but I know you'll be thinking about your friend and I'm thinking about you.

 

When that song comes on my computer, random play, or when any song comes from that album random play, I usually do think of Adam, but I also think of my co-worker's husband's simple gesture of kindness.  Those songs, rather than being tainted with sadness by association, are instead connected to the gratitude I felt for that gesture.

 

If this message board, or Rush music, or whatever can serve as a bit of comfort for WF's family and friends, it will be a good thing.

I'm really flexible here as are the other mods and admins.  If you're here, if you post nearly every day you are a friend and this is our hangout. Personally I want people to get what they want out of being here. Be good to each other and treat people with respect.  Sometimes things get heated and someone flies off the handle.  Recognize that and tone it down a bit. Apologize if it went too far.  Self regulate.  We are all adults here.

Update

I'm going to try to see this through. I've looked around and mostly I see people I've been friends with for ten years maybe more maybe less.  I don't want to let anyone down.  I enjoy all of your company.

We have others who help admin and keep this place going.  It's certainly not all me. I just needed to think about the risks of having this board and whether or not I can handle that.  I think I can manage. I'll give plenty of warning or redirect people to a common meeting place if I did change my mind.

I've been wanting to do this for years.

The kids got together and got me a bass for Fathers Day!

It's just a cheap Ibanez with a Squire amp, but I can learn on it!  

The Gedclone rises!

You know, sometimes I find myself being hypercritical of the band, and finding I like some other music just as much, but that shit gave me goosebumps. Whatever minor failings they have today, it was this band that set me on a journey of friends, love and a higher expectation of musicianship and songs. Their songs actually are the soundtrack of my adult life, as cliche as that statement is. I am and always will be a big fan. It was awesome to see them get that love.

Well, Mrs MT and I have pulled the trigger, selling our flat in the west London mass production zone and buying a house in Cornwall.  We move toward the end of June.

 

Bye bye to mortgage payments, stress of the commute into the centre, screaming police sirens, millions of people, fear of terrorist bombs on the train.  Hello to quiet and tranquility.

 

It seems so perfect that I keep looking for the flaw in the plan, but I cannot find one.....

For my 2112th (count 'em) post, I thought it appropriate to say a few words about what, for me, is the band's signature record.

 

I don't think it's the very best Rush album, but it's bloody close. It doesn't have the distinctive flair of Hemispheres, or the assured polish and clever craft of Moving Pictures - but it has a power and a drama that set it apart from all of their other records. The title piece especially has a passion and electricity that is unmatched in the entire Rush canon.

 

 

Even side two, as it was originally conceived, is beautifully done - much more mature and polished than any of the first three albums, immaculately produced, and here and there performed with touches of the same inspirational power and style of the first side.

 

They caught lightning in a bottle here, and I don't think they could have done it again if they tried. A work of towering stature; simply magnificent.

It's always Muslim, Muslim, Muslim!

Thanks everyone for your patience during our outage.  One of our DB tables was corrupt and in need of repair. We are back as we were right before the crash.

Enjoy...